idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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