I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
