I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
