omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
