eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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