Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
