you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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