Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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