fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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