Got a toothbrush?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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