I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
