im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
