Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Shame - the story of my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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