i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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