my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
