Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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