your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
4 words: hood of his car
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
