I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
