Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Randomize
