is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
