Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
