dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
