In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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