Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
