Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
