actually, I'm a sock model
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
