8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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