I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Someone signed my nipple.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
