I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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