Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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