I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
