I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
