I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
