We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
