I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
