I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
