I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
