It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
