I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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