do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how does that bad decision feel?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
