she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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