you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
