"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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