I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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