So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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