You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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