I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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