My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
