1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
