Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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