i permit you to call me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
